I don’t know about everyone else but I’ve grown up in a family with nothing but failed relationships and as we all know as we are children certain situations, events that will forever be stuck in our minds and this happens to be that one thing that has just been stuck with me. As people that are close to me may not know it, believe it because i’m such a positive person but i really struggle with holding onto relationships that may be ya know common relationships of any and all kinds. I love meeting and just getting to know them, connecting with others is a skill that doesn’t come so easily to all, i must say to connect with another human being takes lots of dedication, trust and ongoing work. I’ve seen all the men in my family just up and gone without a reason and the outcome of this is sadness, loneliness all that scares one’s self forever. Seeing that relationships close to me has never worked out has in a sense shown me that they are a waste of time, empty space but the last little bit i’m trying, starting to come around to maybe if i try and from watching all the other failures before my eyes i could take all that and make a stable, functioning relationship.
The main thing i grasped from the failed relationships in my family has taught me to be a better role model, a better man, to not take the special things that come my way so lightly, to hang on what you have, not throwing it away and then looking back and wishing because come on we all know that wishing has never gotten us anyway it’s going after it and holding to dear life because once you have had something and lose it, it’s gone for good. Have ya ever lost anything, anyone? How does it feel? It’s such a feeling like someone has stabbed you in the back.
I have a little story to tell about why all the current thoughts are running through my mind….
When you start to see your loved ones get married, when you see others leaving, when you start to look back and all them times though you will get together and talk about the good ol’ days is all just a memory now and we are living in the present looking forward to the future so therefore you start to think which isn’t a bad thing you see, it gets you thinking such thoughts. It was first when my good childhood friend Justin back in December got married and it sorta hit me that oh wow! could it be that we are growing up and starting lives? It’s like we were mere children playing with our action figure toys and going to Sunday school and just not worrying about a thing as we were just waiting to go back home to eat, and play. Second wake up call you could say is another wedding that’s coming up next month, yes i’m very honored to be in another wedding and let me say quickly that this friend is not just another buddie to hang with, something much more than that folks. This friend i’ve known now for only since i was in the seventh grade and he was in the eighth if i’m right, he was a grade higher than myself and i am proud to say we’ve keep tight all these years why? because a true friendship(relationship) if your committed enough will hold on to it til the end. My bud CJ(Calvin) is marring his high school sweetheart which they’ve been together since freshmen year in high school and just a few weeks ago they graduated from college, long time huh, that’s everyone dedication, true love and it’s something that anyone could look at and learn from. That’s my “soap” story but all in all it makes a person think and i’m learning everyday to improve and to take things dear to me and hold on with a tight grip because i don’t want to end up like my family although they are great, loving people you ever will meet, i don’t wanna scared, alone…..
So, what to take from this is hold on whatcha got, you let go for a second and you will find yourself looking back wondering why your alone, why they all left, why you find yourself wishing but never getting what you oh so specially had back….don’t let go, keeping fighting through because at the end of all the darkness the light will finally shine.
Don’t become blinded, become more aware of what you have